The following post was written a little while ago, and I hesitated posting it. But the crux of what I am saying here still rings true for me. I feel like there is something missing....I just don't know what. I've come up with a few theories as to why I feel like I've lost my "spunk", for lack of a better term, here on REBIRTH. It could be that school has bogged me down, it could be my disappointment in having to start REBIRTH in the first place, or it could be that I've run out of things to say. Eh... nix the last one. But because I have been thinking about what that something may be for a while now, I thought I'd post this for some feedback.
So I was talking with my husband tonight. No, that’s not the point I was going to make. We talk all the time, or shall I say he talks all the time. You’d be surprised how quiet I am compared to him.
Anyhow, so I was talking with my husband tonight and he tells me that he thinks this blog is a bad idea. He loves the blog, however, but the threats I received with the Life & Times made him change his mind about the health care blogosphere. It’s changed how I view it as well.
Something isn’t right with Rebirth. It doesn’t have the same feeling of excitement for me as Life & Times did. I enjoy writing just as much as ever, but the innocence has been taken away. It pisses me off, frankly. It’s like finding out Santa is your mother. You knew that the writing on the tags looked just like your mother’s, but it just had to be true! You heard the whisperings of Rudolph being just a cartoon, but that nose so bright is illuminating your window at night. And then, the reality sets in. Your mother bought those presents, and that half eaten apple on the front lawn next to the hoof prints in the snow was courtesy of your father…not Rudolph. Drat!
But you still get presents just the same.
My husband asked, “Why are you blogging? Why can’t you just write offline? There is no risk in that.”
“The principle of free speech,” I answer.
“There is no such thing,” he said. And I know he is right. And this pisses me off, too. Yes, I can say whatever I want here, but at the possible cost of my career. That isn’t really free, is it?
I also went on about why I started blogging in the first place, my need to get women thinking about the care they receive, ask questions, and start a revolution and the like. You know, simple stuff. I also need to vent. Writing my frustrations about my work and life seems so much easier than talking about it. Who wants to hear me talking about this all the time? It’s so much easier to write something and let it go, and those who want to read it will visit. Those who don’t have the choice not to visit.