labor nurse has been reborn and shares her experiences as a new nurse-midwife, woman, and blogger

Friday, December 26, 2008

What it feels like to grab boobs

....that was a search query in google that lead someone to my blog.

Really.

There was also a google search query "I'm 13 and want to grab some boobs". I think that is likely the same person, what do you bet?

Here are some others, which make much more sense:

Mucous plug
Oh...the mucous plug never dies, does it? There is nothing magical about it, people. Well, perhaps there is- but not for reasons that women wish it would be. The mucous plug forms at conception, sealing off the uterus from foreign substance like bacteria. It remains in place in the cervix, right in the os (cervical opening) until late pregnancy. The mucous plug either comes out in a big clump, slowing in small amounts, or not noticeable at all. Sometimes it doesn't come out until labor, seen as a large amount of bloody show. And when it comes out tells us nothing but that your body is getting ready in a normal fashion for labor. Doesn't tell us when.

Nausea before labor
Happens frequently. Its like morning sickness all over again. I've seen nausea and vomiting a lot during the labor process. Not fun for anyone.

Epidural percentage
In my opinion, it's pretty high. So many women, especially first time mothers, come in asking for the epidural before they are really in labor. They say that their ____________ (fill in the blank- sister, friend, cousin....) said they must get the epidural as soon as possible because you don't want to miss out. Or that labor is so awful that there is no way they would be able to do without (believe it or not, women do! And even plan it that way! Imagine that!)

I'd say that about 90% of the women where I work get them. I think our stats say something significantly less, like maybe 70%, so I want to know how exactly are they collecting their info. I can't remember the last women I cared for that didn't get an epidural.

As far as what it feels like to grab boobs- I can tell you that they feel like, well...boobs. Some like socks with rocks in them(where mine are heading), unnaturally firm (fake ones), or bags of sand, like Steve Carrell says in The 40 Year Old Virgin. Take which ever explanation you prefer.

8 comments:

mommymichael said...

too funny... although not quite as bad as a friend of mine's blog. somebody's search of "f*** house wife" and "wife watches me with man."

both of which of course had NOTHING to actually do with her blog...

Anonymous said...

I've had 6 babies all without pain meds (except the numbing agent for an epis that didn't take and so it hurt terribly...but I was numb for the stitches). I was treated differently with no 1 in 1994, like I was normal not to have pain medication. This last two babies I was treated as very unusual by the nurses for going without pain meds. I believe last time they were annoyed a bit with me because I moved so much, messed up their "sterile plain" when I shook my legs during a contraction...

Jill said...

Oh my. Now I'm insanely curious to know which blog post that search query led them to!

My boobs feel like balloons filled with yogurt. I hope that satisfies that 13-year-old Googler!

Labor Nurse said...

balloons filled with yogurt....an interesting description.

SuperMom said...

I agree about the epidural rate. It is so rare that someone doesn't get an epidural-and usually its because they went too fast and missed their chance. I would say our rate is about 90% as well, yet the numbers say 60%. Hmmm. I just love the people that get mad after the fact that they didn't get their epidural. As if its someone's fault that they delivered within 10 min of arrival. I barely got your name much less an IV, anaesthesiologist, or even your doctor for delivery.

MomTFH said...

I am always confused by what brings people to my blog. I have an almost daily request for "worms coming out of nose" or something along those lines, which brings them to a post I did while taking parasitology last year.

My favorite was "research making head explode". That was almost a direct quote from a post.

The ob/gyn who is the course director for women's health at my medical school said "Anyone who doesn't get an epidural is an idiot." I told him, "Well, that makes me twice an idiot." He answered, "I know, that's why I said that." Sheesh. At least he likes me, otherwise, and will write my recommendation!

Hot Librarian said...

Boob grabbing aside, please accept my belated "welcome back." I was really missing your blog, especially since I'm halfway through my 2nd pregnancy (CNMs all the way this time!) - my Google Reader recommended your return to me! Thanks Google!

Cathy said...

Indeed, there are weird searches in Google, eh. And I'm kinda curious what it feels like too.haha. Thanks for the share. :)

Cathy@manometer